To Adoptive Parents: Something to Think About

To All the Adoptive Parents Engaged in a Custody Battle:

My name is Camira and I write to you not as a first parent to an adoptive parent, not as adversary to adversary, but from parent to parent. After all, we both love our children dearly, do we not? I use the words first and adoptive only to make clear what I’m trying to bring across.
I don’t know each and every one of your situations and so I will not judge you for keeping up the fight against your child’s other set of parents. I do, however, ask you for one favor. What could that be, you ask. I would like you to put that child first. I understand that you have had your own difficulties and losses in life, some of which I can understand quite well, and others I couldn’t even begin to fathom, however, those experiences are meant to make us stronger so that we may become amazing role models to our children.
At first, I often asked myself how some adoptive parents, having been through the loss of a child themselves, had the heart to put another parent in that very situation. That was before I understood the adoptive parent’s viewpoint. I now understand that a losing a child they planned to adopt or even cared for left them with the same feeling of loss that I now feel. Why should they put my feelings before theirs? It would not be fair to ask that of them.
I do think, however, that it is fair to ask any parent to put the feelings and needs of their children before their own. That is, after all, what a being a parent is about. Loving someone so much that you will always put their needs before your own. This is where I ask my favor of you. Before you decide to fight for that child, or close a once open adoption, ask yourself how much. Think of your current situation (are the first parents a danger to the child, etc.). Then, go to a support group, yahoo answers adoption section, or anywhere you can find adults that have lived the life of an adoptee. Ask them to share their experiences, their joys, their sorrows, their highlights, and their regrets. Then look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you are doing the right thing for whatever your particular situation warrants. If you find that you have doubts, now is the time to ask yourself how much. How much do you love that child that was dropped into your life? Do you love him or her enough to break your own heart if it means sparing theirs?
This question isn’t expressly for you, but for every parent out there. If you can answer yes to it, then you truly are a parent, deserving of that child’s love and the world’s respect and I commend you. If you simply can not, perhaps you still need to deal with some of your own issues before you are entrusted with something as precious as what you’ve been given.
In closing, I would like to thank you for taking time to read this and hopefully this will help you to understand what is right, what is not, and what your child needs the most – the love of everyone he or she can get it from.

From Parent to Parent,

Camira Bailey